Wonderland
by Mipiko
Summary: And I don't laugh. I nod and say "we'll make it" even though I know there's no place for me in her wonderland.


When Miki says that she's going to try her best to get into the top Weekly Rankings again, she doesn't even need to tell me the reason why. We've been friends for almost four years now, and I've already grown close enough that most of the time I could tell you what she's thinking.

_I just want to see him again._

She doesn't say it, but she's said it before, plenty of times, and I've always listened to what she's really saying. _I can't be without him. I need to be close to him. _I suppose when it's first love, that's how it always is. It's an intensity that you're not used to, of course you're going to believe it's the real thing, even if it's not. Or at least that's what I keep telling myself.

_It can't be love. She can't really love him, because I love her._

If I told her, she'd flash that bright smile of hers and say, _"I love you, too, Lily, I'm really glad we're friends!"_

But that's not the kind of love I mean.

I didn't want to admit it at first, myself. I don't really want to admit it now, either.

I tell myself that everyone's probably gone through something like this, I'm just confused, it's natural to be curious, it doesn't mean anything, not really. And besides, she's the first friend I've become so close to in such a short space of time. It's sort of like the whirlwind intensity of a sudden crush, but no, it's not the same, not like _that_.

Except it kinda maybe is like that.

When she talks about him, my throat tightens. When she says she needs to see him, I get a strange sensation in my chest, as though someone's trying to wrench my heart free. Somehow, I don't think that qualifies as a simple "he's taking away my best friend" type of jealousy.

* * *

_**xXx**_

* * *

Most people would describe Miki as "cute".

She's clumsy and carefree and always there with a sunny smile, and her cowlick is only ever tangle-free when she gets someone else to keep an eye on her surroundings. She's always daydreaming, hardly ever takes anything seriously.

But there's another side to her.

When she sings, she's beautiful and focused and sweet and off in her own world, rhythmically moving in sync with the music, and it's hypnotic to watch. Every Saturday I sit in front of the soundproof room and listen to her before we go out for lunch. She once told me that singing is sometimes like being in a dream, and I told her I knew what she meant, because that's what it's like to watch her.

It's after one of these recording sessions when she says she's got her eye for a place in the next top ten. I don't hear about the results the following week, she's in too much of a hurry to have time to wake me and by the time the results are in, it's way past over.

She's walking back through the lobby as I rush to meet her. She doesn't seem as upset as I expected, though her voice wavers when she smiles and tells me that it's okay, and I say _I'm sorry _and wrap my arms around her and breathe her in even though I don't really deserve to, considering this was what I wanted.

_Really, it's okay, Lily. I've already past my time for fame,_ Miki mumbles into my shoulder. _They deserve it._

_Hey, maybe he'll come to see you before you leave anyway? _I suggest, letting go of her, and she nods.

_Maybe._

_Hey, Mii-chan! You stopped sulking now? _A blond guy wearing a trendy outfit and too much gold flashes her a smile from across the lobby, and I glance between them questioningly. Miki's expression brightens, and there's that feeling again.

_Just about. Thanks for earlier, Hio._

_Sure. Just think about what I said, 'kay?_

_I will._

When I ask her about "earlier", she explains that she had bumped into YOHIOloid and was the one who hung out with her after the news, and the jealousy intensifies and twists painfully in my chest. How did he know to tell her that?

_No. _This isn't fair.

Cheering her up, making her happy, that's _my _job. At least let me have that. Don't take it away from me.

_Your ahoge, _I smile and tug on it, gently curling my fingers in her red hair. _It's a mess. Want me to fix it for you?_

Back at her place, she sits cross-legged on the bed as I run a soft brush through her hair, following each stroke with my fingers.

_Lily. . . _she murmurs, and I carry on gently working out the tangles. _Yohio. . . he told me it was about time I stop chasing after Kaito and just do what I wanna do._

_Hm? _I try my best to sound noncommittal. _Do you agree?_

_I. . . I don't know. I don't know if I know what I wanna do._

_That's okay. You don't have to know yet._

She turns to face me, uncharacteristically serious, and I smile and attempt to carry on brushing her hair.

_Do you remember that theme park where Teru and Gakkun took us and our family last summer?_

I nod and she takes the hairbrush from my hand and entwines her fingers with mine.

_You'll laugh, but. . . let's make something like that. That's what I wanna do. Help me make something like that. _

And I don't laugh. I nod and say _we'll make it _even though I know there's no place for me in her wonderland.

* * *

**_A/N:_**

I've been wanting to make something for this pairing, it's definitely grown on me. :3


End file.
